I try to not make these kinds of blogs simply because I already have a bunch of blogs highlighting my single status. Not that it’s a bad thing, but it comes with a loneliness that I’m going to explain.
It’s Everyone’s Turn Except Yours
Recently my suit mates and I threw a mini dorm party for Halloween. The party was extremely fun, but I found myself depressed the next morning and even today. I was talking to these guys only for them to ask for my friend’s number who never approached them…ouch.
To make matters worse, my roommate got her crush’s number and is going on a date with him soon. So yes, I have to hear about this stuff for next few weeks.
There was one moment in the party when the time was 11:11 and me and this girl made a wish. I remember saying “I wish I was cuffed up” while she wished for “great grades” as she was already taken. It sucks because although I had a GREAT time reuniting with friends, dancing with strangers, my insecurity of being single still haunts me. And I hate it.
Is There Something Wrong With Me?
And that’s not to say you aren’t happy for the people around you ,because you are. My roommate is happy in her relationship while the other is embarking on a potential one. But, it hurts knowing that they are on their second or third relationships knowing that you never had one yourself.
It hurts being the “strong” one that people come to for help and opinions, but having nothing yourself. I’m vulnerable and I have no one to talk about this at my age because many people have gone through their relationship trials, while I haven’t. Many people have been loved, while I haven’t.
And the worse part is that sometimes you get so desperate and lonely to blame it on yourself. Do I need to love myself more like they say? No, I just get tired of being the only one who’s lonely. Do I need to put myself out there more? Well, from the many times I approach guys I get subtle rejection that makes me wish the guy put in the initial effort. Do I look ugly? Well, I thought I look bomb but apparently I have the word ugly attached to my forehead.
Being In A Relationship = Happy?
And the reality is that there are a bunch of single girls in college. I just happen to find myself with roommates who aren’t so single which causes my sadness. Furthermore, I don’t have time for a relationship. I have to focus on my studies, saving up for Los Angeles for next semester, etc. Yet it’s something that I want. But, everyone wants to be loved and I think, when is it going to be my turn.
I don’t really sound uplifting in this post at all. But, I do want to say that it’s completely normal. No one can possibly tell me it’s not normal to feel lonely. And if you’re being proactive, it stings even more. I will say cry if you need to like I just did and vent your thoughts. Whether it is a journal, to a therapist, or like my blog, get your feelings out.
My Word Of Advice
And even though I find myself being critical of the internet, there are hundreds of videos of girls like me and even older who keep their head up high. Watch a few of them to feel better. Also, if you have the chance to physically be alone, take it. I think that’s one of my main motivations for going to L.A. and that is to get a single dorm with plain ole me. I wouldn’t have to worry about anything influencing me to the point of depression.
And lastly, try not to settle for anything you know you’re better than. For me, I’m not taking love for granted and I want the beauty of it even if it means crying waiting for it.