Every time I heard the word narcissist, I thought that these people aren’t that bad. You just have to have thick skin to deal with them. Boy, was I in the wrong. If you follow my blog, you’d know I am always spilling my insecurities about being single. In fact, my last blog was a bit more uplifting and reflecting on the good to come this year. But then things changed.
We Hit It Off
I started talking to this boy from one of my classes. During winter break, we’d text each other all the time and eventually started hanging out. He gave me the attention no other guy has given me. He called me beautiful, special, important, and genuine seemed into me as a person. We’d joke about our future kids, but seriously consider future plans.
I would tell him my insecurities and he’d welcome me with open arms. He’d rant about his problems and I was all ears. This was the love bombing phase a typical narcissist would do. And the worse was when I not only gave him a lot of me, but the best of me as well.
Listen To Your Gut
But then I knew that this might all be temporary, I had to go to California for the semester and I wanted to ensure that we’d continue our relationship. And this is when things started going left.
I noticed his communication wasn’t the best anymore, and I sensed this darker side to him. He’d talk about nihilism, which scared me because I wanted him to feel that I am important to him. He’d always say I was. That was until I saw him next time in person.
Fairy-tale Over
One day before my trip, I had to meet this guy to retrieve my earrings from him that I left in his house. He tells me that he has something bad to tell me. Pushing him to say it he blurts out, “I’ve been lying to you.”
The more he speaks, the more he admits that he’s a narcissist, has psychopathic tendencies, suicidal tendencies, feels depressed, has been hooked on drugs and has been lying to me about quitting them. Now I truly believe why they say you can’t change people. I tried to be the good girl/savior for him but was too blind to the severity of it.
Our Last Words
Everything needed to be about him and he hated all aspects of his life. The final blow was when he told me that his feelings for me began to fade. I simply couldn’t look him in the eye and I just went back home crying.
At that moment, I hadn’t said anything yet and decided to text him my farewell to him after he texted me his. Mine was slightly savage, but coming from an emotional standpoint. He was my first everything and I told him that if he has a habit of cutting people off ruthlessly, then don’t string people along. It seemed like I struck a nerve when I received 15 messages from him saying how ridiculous I’m being, I lead him on, and I was his mistake.
I wished him the help he needed and proceeded to block his number. I remember just sitting there wondering wtf just happened. Afterwards, I cried all night wishing him karma. How can you simply just discard someone and be fine with it?
My Lesson
I say all this to say to be patient. I was late bloomer. In fact, there were so many times I wanted to be in a relationship. The moment I got a taste of that, my heart was broken. Nevertheless, I found myself getting attached way too quickly. The worst part is that it was with a guy who didn’t even care at the end.
Although it sucks, I don’t regret what happened because it served as a reflecting moment. I love hard, my intuition is always right, realized I’m still bomb asf, and I already killed one narcissist fish in the sea that isn’t for me.