I’ve been insecure for the longest about being single. I must say that even writing this now, I’m also writing to address my old blogs and my old insecure self. Don’t get me wrong my loneliness still gets me sometimes, but I’m telling you the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
It Always Feels Good Initially
When I had my first experience with a boy a few months back, I was the giddiest girl in the world. It feels good to finally get that male attention you’ve been longing. The kissing, the touching, cuddling, etc. But when the problems arise, that’s when the waters are tested. You see people’s true colors and you see how much they are willing to take until they crack. I’ve talked about the bad times of my first experience. One truth I can say is that it hurts when you are in a one sided relationship. You can feel when the other person becoming distant and you start to blame it on yourself even though that person has demons of their own.
I don’t say this to be negative. After all your first experience may be lovely. However, I don’t think people understand how complicated it is to maintain a relationship. People change and the person you may have caught feelings for may be a monster the next day. Communication may feel dry, priorities are overwhelming, mental issues, etc. And the aftermath to when it’s all over can really be emotionally traumatic. Although I took some lessons from my break-up, I still till this day lose sleep thinking about it. It still very much hurts and I don’t think we emphasize the pain that the end of a relationship may bring.
Feeling Lonely In a Relationship
After getting a piece of a relationship and now having an ex, I feel like this experience was necessary for me. I would have settled in a one sided relationship receiving no attention which would have been even made feel even “lonelier” than I feel as a single girl. Imagine being in a relationship and still feeling lonely. It’s not worth it. Besides, the pain after a break up makes you realize your worth and what you need to work on to prevent other trash, unemotionally available, toxic, men from ruining your future.
However, the reality is that many settle for trash a** relationships just to say that they are in relationships. Or, many people are too insecure to know their own worth and don’t bother to escape. I’m telling you, don’t be that girl to settle to the first guy who tells you you’re beautiful. It’s easier said than done, but sometimes when the words hit you right, your heart can easily let up. I think being single for so long had made me vulnerable and any attention I would get, my heart was just ready to give in.
It feels good, but please this mentality is toxic in the long run. You have to be your own person walking into a relationship. You also have to have standards, and have a strong mentality for when anything changes. It can be very traumatic, but you have to be a certain someone to deal with this trauma effectively and attempt to live past a dead relationship label.
Only You Define You
So as cliche as it is, working on yourself is your best bet. And even though I felt really insecure at times with my loneliness, I would never have been this dedicated to working on myself, complimenting myself, and building up my career with pure independence and passion. And as for the current benefit, my long term single-hood is the reason why despite feeling haunted by him, I blocked him and never broke no contact. I’ve gassed myself into knowing that I’m a prize and that I’m now someone’s else loss. Stay patient for the right man, mentally prepared, and keep loving yourself.
