About a year ago, I had my first heartbreak. And even though I’d get these huge waves of sadness from the trauma, I would not take it back at all. The break up itself was very traumatic and ugly in itself. I lost my appetite, felt betrayed by the person who hurt me, and was finding it difficult that you can go from liking someone to hating someone.
Most importantly, I would blame myself and take responsibility for the other person’s faults. And even though one of my proudest moments was walking away and never looking back, your mind can play some serious tricks on you that leads you to question your self worth.
So What’s A Breakup Glow?
In short, a breakup glow is when you change externally and internally for the better after a relationship has ended. This can mean dying your hair, getting new clothes, deleting phone numbers, changing your social circle, practicing meditation, and anything else (the list can go on). I practically did a lot of these things and I will share my experience doing so.
Mental Glow Up
Considering I didn’t really get the “closure” I wanted, I did what most anxious dumpees would do: look at videos and threads. And with this I learned about attachment styles while learning how to put up healthy boundaries. And please if you are reading, research attachment styles and you’ll learn a lot.
Attachment Styles Are Mind Blowing
I was dealing with someone who was emotionally unavailable and dismissive. Meanwhile, I was more on the anxious side. Since then I have worked on it with some counseling and have been suprisingly more on my own these last couple of months. I’ve just started to depend on me a lot more which feels good. Besides, I frown upon myself when I get too clingy so learning how to let others be and value my own time has been such a plus. It’s never good to cling onto or get too attached to someone because then your validation will always come from them.
But, with the research I did come across with, you learn that a lot of people have unresolved trauma and therefore their behaviors should not be taken personally. Now, I know this is easier said than done, but a lot of the times these people project, gaslight, and ruin their own happiness and the people around them. In other words, through this research you find out that “hey, I wasn’t the problem”.
Create New Standards & Tolerate Wisely
And with this realization, you can make your boundaries for the next relationship. My anxiety always made me believe that I was the issue and that I had to fix other people. And this goes beyond relationships, but also in my family and friendships. But in reality, that’s a recipe for self destruction and I’d be abandoning my own needs just to keep someone happy.
And even in my case, this person wasn’t happy and was dealing with very heavy personal issues that were beyond my repair. To be honest, it sad to see people feel this bleak about everything yet they have so much potential, youth and charm. It’s only up to them to change and I can only be the person who supports them.
Often times I found myself being a fool to his lies, his crappy explanations just because I had intense feelings for him. But knowing what I know now, I learned to trust my gut, call out b.s, and surprisingly feel pity for him (it’s always going to be the empath in me). And yes by going through this, I do have new standards and questions for the next guy. However, there are some truly broken people out there who will test us and it’s important to know how to handle or steer clear from them. Only a journey of self love and education can help you do that.
Physical Glow Up
I’m no Mariah Carey, but I feel much more beautiful than I have ever been. A big reason for that is because of me being of age, in control of my wardrobe and looks. But I look at my old photos and notice how much more confident I am in my current photos.
I have my angles down, my outfits are always on point, and when my hair acts right, those curls are always blossoming through. Many times, were feel like our exes may move onto someone who is “prettier” but how will that help us out. We have to be our own cheerleaders and really believe in our own unique beauty. I’ve never taken as much pictures as I do now if it weren’t for the break up. And even though I’ve gotten a bit crazy and vain from doing so, it has increased my self esteem by A LOT.
I haven’t had any dramatic physical changes. It’s only been about a year and I’m not living in a movie. But, I can’t underestimate how much confidence I have gain in my looks after being dumped.
Verdict: Yes It Is Very Much Needed & Real
I think films exaggerate break up glows with the dramatic makeover. Frankly, many times you aren’t easily going to move on just because you change the way you look or even find someone new. A lot of the times, I see the media skipping over the mental aspect of a breakup glow. Many instances people return to old lovers for internal reasons that they refuse to fix and they tend to get hurt again. They are too impatient to wait for better (trust me I know this feeling). Or, they find themselves naive in the name of love. In my opinion the internal glow up is the most important part of the “breakup glow”. Yes healing internally can take take time, but by doing so you are investing in some permanent happiness.
This isn’t to take away the hype from a physical glow up which is also important. Because of this, I think the whole idea of a “breakup glow” is needed. In fact, I would add that “breakup glows” are all about putting yourself first. Sometimes we find ourselves so fed up, emotionally drained, confused, and heartbroken after a break up. We have to put ourselves back together eventually for US. Yes, for US and not for them! You learn about what you want and deserve by focusing on your own needs and passion.
And is it real? At least for me it was. I was so occupied last year after being dumped but nowadays because of beautiful COVID I have less to deal with. But, you can still find ways to focus on yourself now and I’ve definitely have been doing so (another upcoming blog on this). It’s not easy at all and I’ve been vocal about this. Yet, I am sincerely proud of the girl I evolved into despite having her heart broken.
