They say life is what you make it. And for the most part, that tends to be true. In college, they say your twenties are your best years. And to be honest that may be true…for some.
This blog post was originally targeted towards college students, but high schoolers can definitely relate. After all, my high school self needed a pep talk. But, I will provide some tips and affirmations for those who are struggling to live their “best years” in school.
It’s Okay To Let Loose Once In A While
I use to be so scared of touching a drink or even some weed. It was the devil to me back then. And although I don’t drink nor get high regularly, I don’t frown upon it anymore and this was probably due to the pandemic. It’s so typical for college students to abuse or use substances with the stress they go through. When I did so (safely), it honestly added to the fun moments I would have with friends as we would say the dumbest s***. Nevertheless, for me doing such things helped ease my anxiety in social events and made them more… memorable. And to be honest, drinking and getting high can lead to great bonding moments.
But like I said, I don’t do those things much and it’s very easy to abuse substances. Often times you find people glamorizing using drugs or being blacked out drunk. Many times, people who do so are using these substances non stop to mask some big underlying issue. Even so, you don’t have to drink or smoke to find your cliche in school (I didn’t). You don’t even have to do so to fit in. And to be honest, I personally find this better because although I love to have fun, I think it’s superficial just to be friends with someone over something like drinking. Like at this point you have a drinking buddy versus an actual friend. This leads to my next point.
You Don’t Want To Fit In With Most People (PEOPLE AIN’T S***)
Many people in college are just plain shitty. We are hormonal, stressed, and we aren’t even mentally fully developed. A lot of people have their own deep issues that are toxic and draining. Nevertheless, depending on the school you go to, you will always have that group of entitled people who think they are superior. Whether it is having more money, friends, or better looks, there are so many assholes in college who think they are the shit.
And I know everyone wants to make friends, but people will literally worsen your character. People’s toxicity can also make you toxic and feel fucked up later on. Choose your friends wisely. Don’t try to aim to be that person with 100 plus friends to look cool (I’ve seen it first hand how these people still feel significantly unhappy). Hell, don’t even expect to meet your best friend in welcome week. For me, making real friends in college was a gradual but life changing moment. When you form deep connections with people, you will know who deserves to have your time. Don’t be desperate enough to settle for a lackluster friendship because you just want to have friends.
You Don’t Have To Follow The Dating Trends
This point was such a realization for me. The media hypes up dating, our first kiss, loves, etc. to a point where they make it look SO easy to achieve. And it’s really not. Now, I will say as a black girl, I think my race has served as a buffer for people trying to nevertheless befriend me. But, I also had another limitation, I don’t use dating apps cause I hate them.
I’m very old fashioned and organic with romantic relationships. In fact I only really know one other friend who completely agrees with me in this sentiment. And I’m not going to lie, it would hurt because I struggled with how everything is so technological these days. Nevertheless, the people at NYU are super gaurded and you really have to make your way initiating any hints that you are interested. It just seems like people are so much more less into making emotional connections these days.
To add on, being the only single girl in your friend group is hard. It’s lonesome and I’m not gonna lie after I got my male attention, I felt bitter that it ended so quickly. However, I often see girls using male attention to signify their worth very often. Yes, guys are most definitely guilty of this too. In fact, It’s seen as cool to sleep around, be in situation-ships, relationships, as long as you basically have someone on the side you can call up. To be honest, I get it because it feels good.
But, these things don’t come easy especially when you don’t fit into that avenue. Most importantly, you don’t need a relationship and you don’t need to base your self worth from one. And like the two points above, people settle and do things to mask underlying issues. Nevertheless, it’s okay if you aren’t into hookups and whatever else this generation loves. And to be even more honest, many people are trash to date aswell.
It’s Normal To Feel Depressed
School can bring in a rush of emotions. Finding a career afterwards is hard enough, but finding yourself is super tough. Sometimes you feel like you don’t fit into your new school, you don’t have a good amount of friends, or you may even be struggling financially. I have felt all those things and manage have many breakdowns in my college years.
But, it’s normal to feel depressed and detached in school. All my friends struggle with anxiety and depression. This doesn’t mean it’s good, but it shows that you are not alone. I use to think people had no issues with their lives until they opened up to me about their deeper issues. I kid you not, almost everyone is going through something in college.
And this is completely normal considering our classes take over our social life and sometimes our own happiness. In fact, I think there is an exaggeration to automatically finding your place and your joy in college. I think there’s so much pressure to make these years your best years but in actuality, these are the years where you develop your identity the most. And in most cases, finding your identity usually happens at a low point of realization. With this in mind along with juggling grades, it’s hard to remain happy many times. And with this, we should normalize the lows school brings is. It’s not all frat parties and sunshine.
Lastly
I’ve had my fair share of painful breakthroughs. Feeling lonely on Saturday nights, not connecting with others, and feeling off with my career plans. I can’t even say I have much regrets on how I acted in college. I always put myself out there, became more open to things I would have never done, and I love the person I am now. Sometimes it’s really just the environmental factors you have that plays into your experiences and it’s a hard pill to swallow. But, it shows you that you aren’t always the issue and you aren’t necessarily alone in feeling this way. I still struggle with it but have a better understanding of things.
I think it’s unfair to say college or even your twenties are your best years. So far, it has been for me because so much great things have happened. However, I feel like I have better moments to come and I’m definitely looking forward to them.