It’s been a while since I last blogged. SO MUCH has changed, but I haven’t been to eager to share all my personal life updates. In fact, I have so many drafts saved either abandoned or unpublished. However, I thought I’d make a blog at least depicting a fourth of the emotions I have gone through these last few months. And it involves a universal topic that puts a smile to everyone’s face: break ups!!!!
So recently I’ve gone through another “situationship” with a new guy. Although I won’t spare too many details, it was clear there were many insecurities involved, many clear obstacles that made it impossible for the both us, and much bull****. Regardless, good things often come to an end and there were hurt feelings involved.
Ironically our last words exchanged were pretty calm. It wasn’t until a week later however, I found myself blocked and removed from all his socials after posting a few new pictures of myself (yes blocked after looking cute). Confused, worried about him (I know), reached out, ignored and hurt, this space we would give each other suddenly turned into a chapter of the past. I was dealing with a ghost.
My first reaction was laughter because of the immaturity of the situation and what I orchestrated (and yes there was orchestration on my part). And although it really depends on the situation, It’s like there is a pride from knowing you caused such a strong reaction. And although I still laugh about it from time to time, I was genuinely hurt about it.
The old me would have gone off, in fact I actually already did but just by heavily venting to friends in my drunk/sober self. But, I did give this guy the benefit of the doubt because A) he had a legit reason to (at least from what he told me which I hope was the truth), and B) I’ve done the same! In fact, I find so much relief blocking people. Whether you just want to move on from drama, or never want to talk to an ex ever again, I completely understand blocking. But like all things, I wanted to delve into the complications of it:
When do I Block:
I usually block when I’m completely done. Usually I’ll spend a day pondering over it before I actually take action. Almost all the time, it’s a follow up action to a discussion, and I get a feel of where someone’s head is at regarding their thoughts on me. From there, I acknowledge my own emotions and disappointment that may feel unredeemable. Point is, there will be heads up of some sort or some clear distance about to be made. From there, I block to maintain my peace of mind, protect my heart, all that gushy stuff.
So, when is it considered petty?
Atleast from what I’ve heard and felt, people who get blocked are annoyed by how little to no consideration there is for their feelings. Most of the time blocking can be done in a way that blindsides a person and if there’s no signal that the blocker was going to block you in the first place, it may hurt and confuse you especially since you weren’t taken into account.
When I delve into my current situation
So when I look into this guy blocking me, was I hurt, lol yes. What girl or even guy wouldn’t be hurt by a person they care about blocking them? HOWEVER, they say break ups get easier overtime and they were right. I felt a lot more in control of my own emotions and because there is a WHOLE lot going on in my personal life, I had healthy distractions that would better myself for the future.
Did I think his blocking was justified, small yes, but more so a no. In fact I do think it was extreme to a point where I was concerned his mental health considering the guy I dated last year having a bunch of personal issues. I hate thinking about the other party’s feelings when clearly they were the ones who expressed their distancing from you.
But, in this case, clear communication (similar to any universal issue) would have resolved things. In fact, it was the most pettiest shit and dramatic blocking IMO. In almost every situation where I had to part ways with someone, there was always this blown out argument or back and forth convo. Meanwhile, with this “break up” there was no argument, no aggression, where you’d expect things to be a lot more “resolvable”, yet it resulted in me being blocked. Since the communication was clearly missing, I had to look at this situation from 2 points: what do I do now? Block him back or hold out hope 🤣?
Self Love VS Validation
Like I said, I find blocking very powerful!!!! In fact I actually already have the guy blocked on a few platforms after obviously being ignored. However, our main platform is still open and although he has me blocked, I can still secretly block him back. I hate having to stoop to these levels and games but love gets you going crazy. And even so, there’s a great gift in blocking. Your mind will toy with the idea that the person has probably tried to reach out to you versus unblocked, you will actually know if they did. This may leave you feeling depressed, worthless and it’s something I went back and forth with in regards to the last guy. Hence, you block.
Blocking at least for me, quickens the healing process while unblocking may feel like a punishment to myself. Waiting to see their notification, or stalking their page, etc is sad to think about. It may also save you from future stress from a person you may know who is not healthy for you (or healthy at all). People may find this blocking immature, but I don’t care since I rather my put my own well being first.
Boundaries are important and sometimes that person losing contact with you is the only way they will learn not to continue certain behavior in the future. In this case, blocking (when it’s done healthily) is usually a form of self preservation with a hint of dignity. After all, love and lust is literally a drug: those emotions make you high.
Our Human Side and Our Ego
And then you chose not to block because you are human. There are still feelings there, you secretly wish there can be some type of resolution and more than likely many blockers (mainly romantic relationships) unblock especially if you were good to them. This has been true in my case and in many other people’s cases.
There’s also this fear that when you block someone, you are only acting out of emotion which is 95% of the case true. There can be logic behind it, but lets face it, you’re blocking someone because you are experiencing some type of negative emotion towards them. Because of this, you may want to give that blocker space to think it out, and the reunion or the big discussion you may finally have one day will have you thinking “I’m glad I didn’t block them back because I wouldn’t have seen their explanation, apology, or effort to reach out”. And that animosity you had before, may be completely relieved and you no longer have to hold onto hate anymore for a person you truly cared about.
And lastly, VALIDATION!!!! It feels great when an ex comes back to you and it feels even more great when it was their decision to break things off/mess up. LIKE HELLO, “I WON, I’m the shit”. It feels GOOD! That, or the “he’s miserable now” image is secretly what every girl wishes when it comes to their ex.
Now, not all validation is great or healthy. It’s never good to be co-dependent on someone in regards to your own happiness or your awesomeness. But holding onto that “hope” and not blocking may give you the confirmation that the person actually did care when they decide to come back (although just because someone blocks you doesn’t always mean they don’t care). And although this may lead to a toxic cycle, I seen some cases where relationships have been amended despite the vast blocking history. This leads to my final point:
BLOCKING SAYS MORE ABOUT THE BLOCKER
As an experienced blocker, and blockee this rings true 1000%. Now this isn’t to say you don’t have a good reason to block because you may have a valid reason. But, to put this simple, if someone decides to block you, it’s because something in relation to your presence, memory, etc triggered them negatively.
And this can either mean that person is insecure, has a huge trauma, can’t control their emotions or lacks control of their whole environment, blah blah blah. Point is, most of the time, there’s something we don’t know or understand about the blocker. There’s a piece missing and we spend time trying to solve that puzzle, pick up the pieces for some type of closure all while being hurt. I guess this is the human side showing empathy and giving people the benefit of the doubt.
What Will I Do?
I am still very torn which is a common verdict on my blogs!!! Looking at this post, it’s clear my heart wants to have some sort of hope, but my mind right now is just saying block, block, block. After all, there’s literally no point of pursuing anything else but a casual friendship which again at this point seems to deep to pursue. But even so, I always say, emotions come in waves and no matter how busy you are in life, you’re still human enough to feel pain.
And as I go onto my adult life (with many klutzy and ditzy “burro” moments), I try to remind myself it’s okay to have your weak moments and it’s okay to have a heart and get vulnerable (still a working progress to be blogged about). Hell, my therapist has emphasized this to me. It’s the only way to create experience and lessons. After all, this “situationship” and this guy calls for good/relatable future blog content (he’s not safe from the blog treatment). In fact, there’s many things that will be further explored from this blog.
So, with that being said, I think I will let things slide FOR NOW and remain the blockee. Maybe I’ll let time sort this out for me and take my hands off the wheel. After all, I need a breather in life (will get on my blogs soon). Once my head is clearer, I’ll probably step in. But let me let the universe be great.
