The other day, I was having dinner with a friend who works for a well know entertainment company. If you have been reading my journey in entertainment, you would know how dehumanizing it can be. This friend didn’t necessarily hate her job as much as I do, but she’s not as happy being there. One of the only things she finds appealing is the name and the prestige that comes with it.
I asked everyone at the table, “how’s work”. I was immediately met with the response, “I should romanticize my life at xyz”. alTHOUGH I immediately disagreed in my head, I proceeded to hear everyone else’s answer. I then ask my friend, “I know there are so many flaws at your current job, why are you forcing yourself to glamorize it?” It was then and there, she become more honest about the conditions and negative experiences at her job.
Flex Culture
We live in a day and age where Tik Tok and Instagram are telling people how to live. As a result, as someone who lives in the most superficial city in the world (LA), I see people trying to be “aesthetic” all the time. AND THIS DRIVES ME NUTS! Granted, if you come into my apartment, you would see I drive some influence from different media platforms. Warm/neutral colors, velvet material, string lights, great office desk, etc. At the same time, my apartment is also a reflection of me. I have my Pokemon plush toy in the corner, lit candles, crystal rocks for manifesting, and positive quotes as well.
The point is that we end up losing our identity to prove that we are in fact “trendy”. We are no longer trying to live for ourselves, but instead trying to romanticize every inch our lives for whatever audience we do have. Unfortunately, social media has created this vibe of people having to compete with one another. It’s all a black and white thinking to make people feel like shit.
Also, We Know Life Is Not Always Great
I have had so many highs and lows in LA. Currently, I’m more at a high right now which I will get to more so later. But it was never ever easy getting though my challenges. There were many times, I was not okay. I strong, but not actually okay inside. There are topics here where I have mentioned, it’s okay not to be okay. So why would I want to romanticize my lows or struggles in my life? Especially the racism ones because…….
What I do instead is, talk my shit to my friends or blog it out, talk to a counselor or therapist, reflect on next steps, and try to use my experience as wisdom. All those big name jobs I had before are ones I am proud to still announce “I DID AND GOT THAT SHIT” because they were accomplishments coming from a black girl from the South Bronx.
However, when it comes to my actual experience there, I don’t hold my tongue about how unethical things were because it has led to the trauma I have had til this day. I don’t want to perpetuate a lie to make myself seem perfect or like this bad ass bitch who overcame racism.
In fact, I’ve been pushing this honesty agenda in my blog for a while. We should own our emotions including our negative ones. If we don’t like something at work or about ourselves, life, etc, we have every right to speak on it. I think social media has pushed out this agenda of false positivity that does too much harm. Granted, I don’t want anyone to completely sit in their emotions and dwell in it for the next decade. In fact, there are ways to combat this. However, at the end of the day, we are human and life is never picture perfect like it seems on IG.
Nevertheless, this is more off tangent, but we have to stop creating this fixed, perfect, detached, curated version of ourselves that is invincible and likable. It’s as if we have to act this way to gain a following or the opposite attentions of our gender. All these games or this facade we are putting on to be aesthetic or to be perfect is such utter bullshit that robs out complexity as humans. We are no longer being ourselves, but instead we are becoming a robotic/unattainable to fulfill the dumbest expectations ever and to attract blessings. We don’t have to accommodate to be accepted but instead we should paint issues as a societal problem vs an individual one, something I highlighted in my previous blog.
It’s Why I’m More Private
I never bothered posting pics of myself on IG because it felt too trendy at the time. I knew if I did take IG serious, I would become so obssess with trying to make my page pretty, gain followers, etc. Your page is a reflection of you, but I have seen people take followers and likes so serious, that I didn’t want to bother with the whole IG conditioning.
Additionally, I have stopped using Snap (I may delete it), I don’t use Tik Tok, and I hibernated my LinkedIn. I focus more on discussion based social media platforms like Reddit (which has its toxic moments). Other than that, I’m pretty private even with the social media I do have. I don’t want to ever become a show off just because I have to post. Nevertheless, not everyone deserves to have access to you. People’s energy can really be daunting and it’s important to have your special moments be your moments. Not everything deserves a showcase.
Lastly, Glamorize Purpose/Passion Not Trauma
The shit that I or my family has gone through was never easy. I never want anyone in my bloodline to go through the same thing I went through. Microagressions, tears, and discrimination was something I became so depressed over. Yet, I am very honest and vocal about it because I unfortunately know that a lot of people come from that walk of life.
I recently was invited to speak on a panel to celebrate Woman’s History at work 🙌! I will be speaking alongside the president of my firm about our stories and our walks of life. When I broke the news to my therapist she asked “what’s your story?” Of course, I had a long winded answer but it was a real question that I’m considering as I type.
That being said, I’m happy to be asked to speak on my experience. I sometimes have thoughts here and there as to why me. Why did I experience this trauma or why did I have to go through this pain? And although the reasons were out of my control due to my race, gender, or in other people’s hands, it’s nice knowing that I can turn my trauma into inspiration/wisdom for others. It lets me know I can be an inspiration for others. My mom, aunt, and so many of my family members have gone through bullshit where I sometimes see it as a generational curse. At the same time, I learned from each one of them and they have given me lessons to become the woman I am today. An amazing one if you ask me 😏❤️!
Not every bad thing leads to a lost. Almost all the time, bad things can lead to lessons and new applications. Specifically, me going through the HBO Crap and Sony (I’m going to name shame as I should), has lead me to improving workplaces for other people. Because of those traumas, I am now excelling at a career in HR. This is my purpose that I will always glamorize because it needs to be glamorized. My life…not so perfect, but my ambition and mission statement will definitely be heard by all ears. It’s what makes me who I am.
